"It's Like the Game Battleship!"

So this was the coolest article I've read all week:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/07/29/german.blind.cancer/index.html#cnnSTCText?iref=werecommend

They are using blind people to carry out breast examinations because of their extra sensitivity capabilities. How awesome is that to use someone's disability (or special ability) to be able to detect breast cancer at its earliest stages? If I ever go blind I want to be a booby savior!

Dumb bitches need to stay home!

So am I the only person who thinks that we should have left journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee in North Korea? I mean, per Laura’s more famous (or at least well known) sister Lisa, they acknowledged stepping into North Korea. See article:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/08/07/journalists.nkorea/index.html

Now, I wouldn’t want Bill Clinton for a husband, but I really like him a lot. And he obviously had many talents and great influence. But he should have left those two stupid bitches there and focused his attention on more important matters. They knew they were too close to the border. They acknowledged they went over it. They got caught. Waa waa waa. I don’t think I blame North Korea at all. Do they deserve 12 years hard labor? Probably not. But in my opinion, it was their own stupidity that got them into the situation, so why do we need to send a former President to rescue them, and make it an international incident.

The two of them are pathetic wanna-be journalists who give journalism and feminism a bad name. Christiane Amanpour never had to be rescued. She is a REAL journalist- smart and bad-ass.

Weddings and Hanukkah

So this weekend I attended a wedding in which Timmy was the best man. The 4th time he's been a best man! Who knew he had so many BFF’s? Anyway, I had never met the bride and had only twice very briefly met the groom. I also knew none of the guests. This was uncomfortable enough, but considering that I got divorced this month, it made for one sucky evening.

So as I was sitting by myself after the ceremony, while Timmy took pictures with the wedding party, it occurred to me that from my perspective, weddings are kind of like Hanukkah. In that both are a foreign concept to me, I’m not Jewish, nor am I a “wedding” girl. I have gone to, and been a bridesmaid in some very nice weddings. But whenever I go to one, I always feel like I am observing an unfamiliar cultural custom or tradition. I respect it, try to enjoy it, just don’t really understand it. Weird food, odd music, you need to bring a present, having to be touched by people- its all too much. Not that I judge people who have them, or Hanukkah celebrations for that matter…whatever makes you happy.

When I got married 10 years ago there was no wedding, just a humorously brief ceremony by a French wannabe priest named Jean Marc. In a chapel on the Vegas strip, across from Circus Circus, that has since been torn down. Elvis was there, but we didn’t pay extra to have him perform the ceremony. That was the first time. What do you do to follow that up? If there is a second marriage, I can’t imagine having a wedding then either. I just have a comprehension gap when it comes to weddings.

Especially second weddings. Its like, “no really, THIS time I mean forever”. How hypocritical. How many times can you stand up in front of your friends and family and make such an important promise? Liz Taylor did seven times. SEVEN. If I were her friend, by the 3rd or 4th time I’d be like, “damn Liz, this is getting out of hand- lets just get you a vibrator and a dog”.

This is the 6th wedding I have attended in the past year. No one else I know is getting married any time soon, which I think is a good thing. Perhaps by the next one we get invited to I will be over my cynical, bitter, divorced woman rant. But probably not.

Hey Hon!

This weekend we went to Honfest with our friends Stacey and Oscar to witness the mocking celebration of Baltimore and its inhabitants. Like the movie Hairspray- only taken up a notch. This 6' transvestite was one of my favorite Hons:

There were all sorts of interesting things to see. Why someone would feel the need to dress their tree in a bikini I don't know- but its harmless fun I guess:

My favorite picture of the day by far, was the following creative graffiti:

It originally said "100% deserve a boost", but someone with a spray paint can and a sense of humor changed it into the magnificent billboard you now see. Ahhhhhhh Baltimore! :)

Make YOUR tree taller!

This is the funniest thing I have seen all week:

I especially love when they discuss "your unique topographical features", i.e. BALLS! And the pictures they provide to demonstrate are fantastic! Who has personal topography that looks like that? But I guess they really couldn't show animation of a guy shaving his taint, so I'll give them a break. Yay Gillette!

Even if you are handicapped, you should still TRY...

When I was in college I befriended a girl who had no use of her legs and used a wheelchair to get around. She also had modifications made to her vehicle that allowed her to drive it. I have to admit I was nervous the first time we rode together, as her car had no pedals and was operated solely by hand controls. That day I learned that I needed to get over some of my preconceived notions about people's disabilities. She was an exemplary driver. Unlike the person in the following photograph:


Now, I'm not trying to be the least sensitive person on earth, but I really think that if you are handicapped you need to make an effort to operate your vehicle in a way that doesn't scream "I DRIVE LIKE I'M HANDICAPPED!". Don't give the disabled a bad name!

And yes, I know I am probably going to hell for this post.

Can you pee safely?

I was walking back from Quizno's the other day with Ambo and we encountered the following sign pasted to a mail box:

Apparently I live a sheltered life, as I had no idea this was a problem. I don't generally notice the other restroom patrons, but apparently some people do and take issue with their presence. According the the National Center for Transgender Equality, less than 1% of the adult population is transgender. But for those select few this becomes quite an issue. Do you go in the bathroom of the gender you were born with, or the one you have transitioned to?

The going philosophy (at least according to several web sites I checked out) is to minimize confrontation by using the restroom of the gender you most closely appear to be, and by adhering to the "principle of least astonishment". I can get behind that. I would like to avoid astonishment in the restroom. Although I am sure that the Bear and I have astonished a few men in the past when we were forced by necessity to use "their" rest room. I have no qualms about going in the men's room because I will be damned if I am going to pee my pants if I can help it.

Which is why it makes sense to have more "family" and gender neutral restrooms available like they do in places such as the airport. For use by trannies and for all those daddies who don't know which restroom to take their little girls to. While investigating this issue, I also stumbled upon an interesting interactive web site:

http://www.safe2pee.org/beta/

I guess this website is for that <1% of the population to find a "safe" restroom. There are exactly four places to pee in Baltimore. Check out your area. See if you can pee safely!